An Interview with Therapist Kate Willman
Kate Willman, LMHCA, MA, HCA is a Psychotherapist at Seattle Anxiety Specialists. She specializes in the use of ACT and the utilization of writing therapy in her practice.
Amelia Worley: Thanks for joining us today for this installment of the Seattle Psychiatrist Interview Series. I'm Amelia Worley, a research intern at Seattle Anxiety Specialists. I'd like to welcome Kate Willman. Kate is an associate therapist here at Seattle Anxiety Specialists. She is also a founder of Ben's Friends, a community support group for restaurant employees seeking recovery from alcohol and drug addiction. Kate has worked on numerous research projects regarding psycholinguistics and providing therapy for those suffering from addiction, traumatic brain injury, emotional experiences related to death, and military populations. Before we get started, Kate, can you please tell our listeners a little about yourself?
Kate Willman: Sure. Thank you so much for having me. And about myself, you said it, in terms of therapy. I am a native of Texas. I spent many years also in New York City and then moved to Seattle almost five years ago. And working in mental health is my second career, definitely my most happy and fulfilling career, but I spent a lot of years doing hospitality and it's also very fulfilling. I actually still do some work with my partner in restaurants. And there's a lot of crossover, actually. And I think that's an important part of, I guess, why I'm here and who I am, in that I've always been interested in people's stories and always been interested in serving people.
Of course in hospitality, it's a very literal serving and in therapy it's a little bit different, but that's definitely a core part of me is like this continuing interaction with others, usually in some form of service to others. And not in a completely altruistic way either. Right? I get a lot out of that. I get a lot out of being in those really intimate situations with people and learning what they need and hopefully being able to help them get that. I also have two cats and two dogs, so I'm a very happy animal mama. I love animals. I have always loved animals. That's a big part of who I am too. And then, I live in Seattle with my partner and taking it one day at a time.
Amelia Worley: What is it that got you interested in becoming a therapist?
Kate Willman: Yeah. Like I said, I was always involved in one way or another, serving others. And the thing that got me very first interested in it was being a volunteer, they call it peer-to-peer counseling, and this was on the East Coast when I was living there several years ago. I guess, another giant part of me and this goes into Ben's Friends, is that I identify as a person in long-term recovery from drugs and alcohol. And I spent the better part of a decade, really not in the service of others, definitely in the service of myself. And that set of addictions really took over my life. And at 25, I found myself really, actually very close to death, and there's a lot of other stuff to that story.
And after that, I got sober January 30th of 2013. Part of my recovery and part of my success in recovery was speaking with other addicts and working with other addicts at various points in their recovery. So, this peer-to-peer counseling thing was happening in detoxes and hospitals, rehab centers out in New York, New Jersey. And I had done it at this one hospital, pretty regularly, weekly, basically, for a couple of years. I knew the nurses and the social workers and stuff who worked there and they were like, "You know Kate, this is a job. You are a volunteer, but you could really do this. It's a real thing."
And at that time, my career in hospitality was actually at its peak. I was working in really great, four-star, New York City restaurants. I had become a maitre d', which was my goal. And so, I was at an interesting crossroads too, of like, "Oh, shit, can I make a new career?" I had never even considered that. Getting sober and just living had been the really cool thing that had happened. And so, I sat with that for a while and decided to try my hand at school. I had gone to school when I was 18 and studied hospitality management.
So, I was 27 and just, "Oh, can I even do college? I don't know." And I decided to try community college. I took some psychology classes and I just fell in love, and it was such a great turning point for me to go back to school. I went to community college, then I went to a four year, got that degree in psychology. And at the beginning I was like, lots of addicts do this, "I'll just be a substance use counselor. I'll just go to school and get this certificate for substance use counseling." And no, the more psych classes I took, the more counseling professionals to whom I was exposed, the more I wanted to do more and more and more, and the more my interests really grew in this realm. So, I ended up moving to Seattle in 2017 and had tried on a couple different programs, local and national, and ended up doing Northwestern's online master's degree. I was really impressed with that program and that it was available online.
I am an advocate of telehealth. And even before COVID, I was very much an advocate of that because of the accessibility it allows for people. So, in terms of me becoming a counselor, taking those courses online and being able to say, "Hey, online is where we should be putting energy for counseling and for counseling education." That was really important to me too. The program was three years, as of course, you and everyone else knows, then COVID happens and everything happened online anyway.
So, now I find myself really, really full circle, able to be a counselor, be an advocate for folks in that substance use realm, the same way that I was nine-and-a-half years ago needing that counseling, needing that guidance. And a lot of other different folks that I get to see and really use my experience, not just as a counselor and someone who's educated in this way, but as a person who was really in many, many low places over the years, and who's experienced a lot of life transitions along the way. And in counseling, this is when a lot of people will come in, is for these life changes. And when things become different is when we find ourselves needing help. That was a lot of roundabout answer, but that's how I got here.
Amelia Worley: What areas or disorders do you specialize in? I know you talked a little bit about the substance use.
Kate Willman: Yeah, I definitely feel super at home with folks who are struggling in substance use, substance abuse, and then even to generalize it even more and zoom out even more, a lot of the discussions today are just about relationships to substances, alcohol, even lots of behavioral addictions, right? Shopping, gambling, sex, pornography, internet use. There are a lot of behavioral addictions that we consider as well. And again, having been absolutely enslaved by my addictions for many years, I feel really at home helping folks in those arenas.
I also developed a very clear interest and, hopefully one day specialty, in grief counseling. And I found that a lot of my experiences personally and then with these addicts and self-described alcoholics that I was working with over the years, a lot of people were dealing with various versions of grief. And some of them, it was like, "Oh yeah, I had this near-death experience." Or like me, I was so addicted, I almost died. Or, I have a couple suicide attempts, right? There's a lot of people who have considered suicide and who have really thought about suicide. And how does that affect a life? And we can use a lot of grief counseling in that area.
And then I mentioned, life transitions. A lot of grief being applicable in divorces or just changes, breakups, changing a job, losing a job. COVID was just a gigantic paradigm of lots of different layers and kinds of grief for people. So, I really find myself diving into more and more of the grief world, and all of the different applications of that. Certainly, within death, dying, bereavement. I volunteered in hospice for a while here in Seattle, too, for about a year, and really wanted to be in that world of death and how that affects us, the living.
And anyway, I could go on about that forever. I really like grief counseling and lots of different applications. And then, my time at SAS has really directly introduced me to the populations of folks who are aligning with symptoms of OCD, of ADHD, of these really specified types of anxiety, trichotillomania, excoriation, which is hair pulling and skin picking and stuff. And so, really, really niche, specified presentations of anxiety. These are things I was exposed to certainly in school and in my internships and some in my volunteer work for sure, but I've really gotten some great training and some great experience head on with these specific presentations as I've worked at SAS.
So, that's been a fun world to live into and to get exposure to doing exposure therapy and to just learning more about these struggles that folks go through in those areas and getting to see therapy, really nitty gritty therapy, and what real behavioral change can look like with a person. It's very, very exciting.
Amelia Worley: Can you talk a little bit about your treatment approach?
Kate Willman: Yeah. The easy, very general answer is that I'm eclectic. I think every grad student wants to believe that they're eclectic. And eclectic just meaning like, "Well, I'll do whatever the client needs, and I want to learn everything." And as we get more and more into the actual profession, it's quite impossible to be specialized in all of these approaches and get really good at them. It feels good to be good at something. Right?
So, I think there's a few that I come back to over and over again. Number one is ACT, acceptance and commitment therapy. This is such a beautiful iteration of cognitive behavioral therapy. It's so flexible, its main goal is flexibility, not for nothing, but it's so flexible in terms of its application, what presentations we find it helpful for people when we engage in ACT. And so, I really like that. It's nonlinear. It's not really focused on symptom reduction, right? It's focused on a meaningful life. The word acceptance is in the name. And so, I find it really, really helpful for, again, a lot of different presentations, but even as therapy goes on for people and maybe their symptoms have reduced a little bit, to go a little bit further in finding how to live a meaningful life, despite what's going on with anything that's happening, any life change, any type of grief or whatever, any sort of internal experience. There is always, always, always this universal need for a meaningful life, and getting to explore that with people via the ACT method has been really, really cool.
And then, I pull from certainly an evolutionary approach. I really found it helpful in my own journey to look at comparative animal behavior, to look at the lives and the struggles of early humans, as we understand it at least. And see how these different parts of our brain, having evolved the way that they have, why do we have something like a fight or flight mechanism? Right? And why are there these ancient, ancient mechanisms in our brain that we just rely on so primally. And when we can identify those, even in our 21st century modern life, with this big old frontal lobe, being logical all the time, there's so much acceptance that can happen for people when they realize, hey, this anxiety that you're feeling over X, Y, Z, is not just because you're a bad person. It's not just because you are defective in some way. Actually, early humans or the animal brain really relies on this function to keep us safe. Anxiety in most of its forms is really there to keep us safe. And so, we find that with this evolutionary lens, there can be quite a bit of just normalizing, I guess, and a deeper understanding of self, that all of these things, they're causing us trouble, but they're really there to help us. And that shift in relationship to our anxiety, it can be so, so powerful. So, I love that one as well.
I definitely do some existential stuff, which is on the other end of the spectrum from any kind of CBT. But when we talk about meaning making and what is my purpose in life? There can be some fun, especially in the realm of grief, there can be some fun discoveries of self when we are looking through this existential lens for ourselves. And then in terms of techniques, CBT has a whole host of really cool techniques from ACT, from DBT, that I will employ as needed. And then I also really enjoy narrative therapy. There's a lot more even coming out now, narrative therapy-wise. Here's that frontal lobe again, we were talking about the other parts of the brain before, but we have a lot of research that's showing the power of narrative therapy in engaging and re-engaging that frontal lobe part, the decision-making part.
And when we are able to look at our lives and our struggles and our relationships, or our questions in that narrative form, we're employing and re-employing all of these tools that are already there for us. And it's really a discovery of self. I think that I say that a lot actually, but I guess to wrap up treatment approach, I'm very much an advocate of helping people see they already have everything they need to be successful, everything they need to even define what success is. Some people have never been given that chance. What is success? What does a meaningful life look like to me? And then how do I get it? It's not going to be, because I give it to them, it's not going to be because they picked the right self-help book or YouTube channel to watch. All of those things might be useful in self-discovery, but it's really a matter good counseling, in my opinion. The best approach in my opinion, is being willing to try on all these different things with a client, with a person, and watch them and assist them in discovering for themselves, what is most meaningful and what is best for them and their life experiences. And for that meaning, defining that meaning and then approaching that meaning for them. That is the best approach all of the time, no matter what.
Amelia Worley: That's great. Would you mind sharing your experience in using writing as a treatment approach? What are the benefits of writing therapy?
Kate Willman: Yeah. Yeah. So, you can tell how much I love it, because I was already talking about it. And again, humans, we know a lot or we think we know a lot, we know it as best as we understand it, other animals, while definitely really advanced in a lot of their communication, as far as we know other animals do not have this writing thing. Right? So, we can guess from that, that it is a purely human function, purely human mechanism that we are able to write.
And so, when we look at that spectrum of evolution, of mammalian evolutions specifically, we are again, hypothesizing that this ability to write and the benefits to write, from the evolutionary perspective, the theory is we don't do anything that isn't of benefit to us in some way. Right? So, there are these surface level benefits of writing, right? Okay. Well, now I'm living in a society with other humans and the writing will enable us to communicate in a different way, in the here and now. We also know that writing of course, allows us to communicate with generations past and future.
So, it's really, really cool that writing as a mechanism, really came out of evolution in that way. So, those might be the external benefits of the writing for us as a species, as organisms, but internally there's got to be usually a benefit too. And so now, over the last 20, 30 years especially, our brain scans have gotten so much more advanced. And when they've looked at these brain scans and they've learned more about that internal function of writing and looked at the frontal lobe, what they realized was in its most simplest form, and I hope I'm not minimizing in any way or being a reductionist in any way, but it's really just very simply, I have to think about something, right? If I want to write about my experience in COVID, let's say, if I write about that, I have to think about it, to come up with the words and the language, then I have to involve all these other mechanisms with my body and my brain to write it down.
And then, the third time is if I'm going to reread it. And we know that reading involves some other areas of the brain, but the point is there's at least three times, usually much more, but at least three times when I'm involving my brain to go and review this thing that I wrote. And it's just like hearing a story from somewhere else, that I might learn if I'm hearing that story three different times or 10 different times. And then I hear someone else tell that same story, 10 different times, of course, logic says I'm going to get some different things from those stories.
So, in the case of writing and in narrative therapy, what we try to do is employ those different inherent lenses and perspectives, but all within here and in that person's writing just for themselves. So, the therapist's role is to provide provoking questions sometimes, right? That if I just go and write my story in COVID, okay, I'm liable to learn a bunch of different things because of, like I said, the brain is automatically reviewing it. And that means that even the next day, I might be subconsciously thinking about it, even if I'm not actually reading it or rereading it. Right? So, that's happening.
And then, if the therapist is like, "Okay, Kate, you wrote your story of COVID, here's some provoking questions." That's going to cause me to, “ooh, now I have to use my critical thinking, which is also up there. And my problem solving mechanisms are all activated in that frontal lobe.” And so, you see the infinite nature of narrative therapy in engaging and activating all of these different parts of our brain to allow us to see things from a different perspective and thereby, gain things from those different perspectives that we couldn't do if we were just sitting here trying to think about, "Well, what was my COVID experience like?" We get that really cliche, "I'm stuck in my head about it. I'm stuck in my head about it."
There's definitely a magic to putting it on paper or putting it on a computer, just as there's a magic to putting it in the universe, telling it to somebody else like your therapist or your friend, but we are taking that to the next level, writing it, rereading it, having these provoking questions that we didn't really come up with on our own. Well, shit, that gives me a lot of more perspectives, a lot of more answers that might come, that I'm just unable to retrieve from my brain alone.
The last piece, and this is my ACT brain coming in, ACT cheerleader maybe, not my ACT brain. ACT has this component of cognitive diffusion, right? That it behooves most of us and we have evolved to be fused to our thoughts and our feelings. So, when we defuse, that's that act of, we are not our thoughts, we are the thinkers, right? And we know when thoughts are so troublesome and we're dealing with OCD or anxiety or grief or whatever, by getting away from them for a moment, we are able to look at them a little bit differently and guide a little bit more, how much we want to connect to those thoughts, if we want to believe them or not.
And narrative therapy, in most of its forms, will also inherently engage in that cognitive diffusion, that I'm putting it out from me, again, in that same way when I tell someone, but it's on steroids, right? This ability to defuse and defuse and defuse. And we know that we just have much more autonomy and agency over those troublesome thoughts, while accepting them as there, and then deciding where we want to go forward. Yeah. That's narrative therapy.
Amelia Worley: Do you have any words of advice or anything you want to say to our listeners?
Kate Willman: Willingness is the key. We talk a lot and thankfully there's a lot of stuff out on the internet now, that's so accessible for people, maybe on social media, on TikTok or Instagram, people are getting help in ways that they have never been able to before. And so, I would want to say that I used to go to an AA meeting in New York City and it had on the wall, "There's no wrong way to get sober." And that used to piss people off. That used to make people really mad, like, "Oh, of course there's a right way to get sober." And I apply that now to therapy. There's no wrong way to try to feel better.
And that's a hot take, it's an unpopular opinion, right? Are there bad therapies out there? Yes. Are there bad therapists out there? Unfortunately, there are. There are people who might be more harmful than helpful, but I think the hardest step for most people is being willing to ask for help. And for some person that might be, I'm just willing to follow some accounts on Instagram and try to get some engagement from these people. And maybe I need help, being willing to say to ourselves, "I need help. I can't do this alone anymore."
And so, what I would say to people is, any level of willingness, wherever you are at in your mental health journey, in your becoming a counselor journey, on whatever journey you identify with, the willingness to keep going, the willingness to show up, the willingness to ask for help, the willingness to say, "I need a break today. I can't go any further right now. I'm not sure what to do." The willingness to say, "I don't know." Oh my gosh, what courage that takes.
So, willingness is the key to, so, so, so much in terms of success, in terms of meaning, in terms of contentedness and serenity. So, if you're feeling stuck and you can identify that, the next question might be, "What am I willing to do? How far am I willing to go?" And then, "Who or what am I willing to ask help from?" And just to love yourself, that's really one of the hardest parts too, huh? So, if you can find place for some love in your heart for yourself, I always recommend that too. No matter what.
Amelia Worley: That's great. Well, thank you so much. It was really great interviewing you today.
Kate Willman: Yeah. Thank you, Amelia.
Please note: The views expressed by the interviewee are for educational and informational purposes only, are not meant to diagnose or treat any condition, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Seattle Anxiety Specialists, PLLC.
Editor: Jennifer (Ghahari) Smith, Ph.D.