Beatdown, Balance or Blend?
Finding the right work-life balance is necessary for achieving fundamental mental health. Achieving the right balance may seem impossible at times; remote-work (while often beneficial with many upsides) also leads to workers being continually accessible. Harvard Business Review notes that one year into the pandemic, many companies were surprised that their standard metrics for productivity remained high, despite the work being conducted remotely.[1] According to an internal study of Microsoft employees in 2021, while they felt their productivity was up, the downside was that nearly half reported working longer hours, 54% felt overworked and 39% indicated they felt exhausted.[2] This lack of balance is damaging: Forbes notes the compounding stress from the never-ending workday can hurt one’s relationships, health and overall happiness.[3]
But it doesn’t have to be this way. The work-life dichotomy has always been misleading in the notion that work is “simply the thing we do for a paycheck” while life comprises the space between showing up at the office. When work engages people, it can be life-affirming.[4]
Generational Balance Shifts
The term work-life balance didn’t come into popular use until 1986; while still in use, the original meaning no longer fits current circumstances. Starting in the mid-70s, after witnessing the downsizing of many companies and subsequent loss of their parents’ jobs, Gen X workers discovered ways to leverage technology and reimagine how work and the workplace should look. In doing so, they were able to begin to shift the needle towards greater work-life balance.
Unfortunately, Gen Xers had difficulty truly balancing work and home-life and felt that in order to succeed professionally, “work had to come first.” At this point in time, the best they could hope to achieve was to build a workplace that had enough flexibility to allow for shifting priorities and personal needs.[5]
Fast-forward to the Millennial mindset, and things look quite different. Best described as work-life integration, Millennials have not achieved better work-life balance and have actually broken down the walls between the professional and personal spheres of life. Contrary to those employed in the 70s and prior, Millennials tend to not invest themselves in one company for the entirety of their career, especially as companies can no longer be counted on to take care of a person into their retirement. Many seek to craft careers in the gig economy and pursue part time or flexible work arrangements. While this may sometimes be out of necessity, others elect this lifestyle choice to experience multiple roles and explore different paths in pursuit of finding their purpose.
The Gen Z workplace identity is still in process of development as they navigate an ever-changing economy. Like Millennials, they have not experienced the expectation and normalcy of working for one company for the entirety of their adulthood. One of the biggest differences occurring within the Gen Z generation is the acknowledgment that not only can they not expect a pension, but that Medicare and Social Security may not be supportive or existent when they retire.[6]
Moving beyond work-life integration and to pursue work-life options, Gen Z appears to strongly value employment stability. Similar to Millennials, they are very interested in establishing a career with employers who offer professional growth and development. However, unlike Millennials, they aren’t pursuing multiple jobs in order to find their purpose: they are generally pursuing stable careers while cultivating side projects that could one day develop into revenue streams. As Fortune notes, the aspirations of this cohort veer toward the practical.[7]
Image Source: Canva
Flexibility is Key
More than two years after remote work became the new standard, flexibility remains highly sought-after among the workforce. CNBC reported a recent study conducted by Future Forum which surveyed more than 10,000 workers across the globe. They found that 94% of respondents desire a flexible work schedule; this ranked second only to compensation when determining workplace satisfaction.[8] Research conducted by Glassdoor (2020) found that the companies highest-rated for work-life balance have embraced flexible work via arrangements such as: flextime, remote-work and unlimited PTO.[9]
Developing Self-Care
The American Psychological Association (APA) notes several self-care strategies to promote physical and emotional self-care as well as overall quality of life.[10]
Know Your Limitations - Realize when you need to say “No,” and when it’s time to step back and take a break. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, that’s often a good indicator that you are at your limit.
Develop a Social Support Network - Support networks at work and at home tend to lead to less work-home conflict at home. Supportive peer groups can occur via consultation groups, informal sharing with friends and colleagues as well as via personal psychotherapy.
Develop Interests Outside of Work - Hobbies, volunteering and/or engaging in activities such as exercise or travel can relieve stress and help achieve balance.
Don't Let Work Take Over Your Life - Be careful not to let your workplace role define you; those who identify with multiple roles tend to be healthier than those identifying with one role (as long as the multiple roles are not overwhelming).
Embrace Flexibility - Setting aside time for various responsibilities requires discipline as well as flexibility. This can come in the form of working different times of the day out of the typical 9-5 in order to prioritize what is important in one’s life as well as handle unexpected occurrences such as an illness, deadline, new opportunity, etc.
Seek out a Supportive Work Environment - Both employees and employers can benefit from supportive work-life balance programs, such as flexible scheduling and childcare or eldercare. In addition, organizations that offer alternative work arrangements tend to lessen work-family conflicts while promoting organizational commitment and job satisfaction.
Adopt a Long-Range Perspective - Work-life balance looks differently for each person, dependent on each individual's life and career stage. Keeping things in perspective and creating long-term balance is important. While we may not be able to balance every day as we desire, the goal is to keep the week or month balanced as much as possible.
Additionally, Forbes.com notes six strategies one can use to promote better work-life balance; these include:[11]
1. Letting Go of Perfectionism - While many overachievers develop perfectionist tendencies at a young age, it’s easier to maintain that perfectionist habit when demands are limited to school, hobbies and possibly an after-school job. As we grow up, life gets more complicated and responsibilities multiply. At this point, perfectionism often becomes out of reach; striving for perfectionism across all facets of life as an adult can lead to a decline in mental health. Instead of “perfectionism”, a more-attainable level of “excellence” should be sought-after.
2. Unplug - While technology has helped our lives in many ways, including the ability to work remotely in many cases, it has also led to expectations of constant accessibility. Work and phone notifications when someone is otherwise off the clock can cause disruptions in down-time and take away from the potential to recharge and destress.
3. Exercise and Meditate - Exercise is effective at reducing stress and can, at times, help someone get to a meditative state. If limited in time, even a five-minute meditation session in the morning and night can make a difference. Additionally, one may try incorporating deep breathing exercises during a lunch break or before bed. The key is to find something relatively easy that can be incorporated into one’s life to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, such as deep breathing, grounding your senses in your present surroundings (i.e., mindfulness). By activating the parasympathetic nervous system, a sense of calm can be felt, reducing stress and anxious feelings.
4. Limit Time-Wasting Activities and People - By identifying what’s most important in one’s life, firm boundaries can be drawn to protect and prioritize those people and activities. This list will differ for everyone and should be reflective of what is most important to you and not based on expectations of others. Once these priorities are defined, the excess can be trimmed from one’s schedule (e.g., limiting mindlessly scrolling through social media and lessen interactions with those who make you feel as though you are wasting your time.) It is not selfish to focus on the people and activities that reward you the most.
5. Change the Structure of Your Life - By stepping back and looking at your life, you may find there are ways that you can do things that make life easier. Just because you (and perhaps your family) have gotten into a certain habit or routine does not mean that habit/routine will be best long-term, especially as roles and other responsibilities shift over time. By redefining who does what, when things get done and how they get done may lead to less stress, greater organization and overall happiness for those involved.
6. Start Small. Build from There. - Change doesn’t have to be revolutionary to occur; evolutionary changes can lead to great things. Crash diets fizzle out, New Year’s resolutions are forgotten within a few weeks and a sudden all-or-nothing ideal can sometimes lead to a big crash. Marathons aren’t conquered without long-term, dedicated training. If you’re trying to rewrite a script in your life (such as by working less hours, eating healthier, exercising more) understand and accept that it’s ok to start slowly and just “do better” than you did the previous week. By building upon small steps, it will be easier to commit to lifestyle changes and stick to those changes long-term.
Q&A
SAS THERAPISTS DISCUSS WAYS TO MAINTAIN GOOD MENTAL HEALTH AND WORK-LIFE BALANCE
1. How do you “turn off” work and stop thinking about it when you’re off the clock?
“It definitely is struggle in our current times to draw hard and fast boundaries between work and personal life. With remote work being a feature of our collective lives, work has begun to permeate our home lives/personal spaces in a very real way. In addition, the demands that seem to be made of working professionals is that because they are working remote or from home, they “should” be available at all hours that the work/company needs them to be. With this recognition, we can begin creating distance between these two aspects of our lives by recognizing how we are reacting to our work environment. Are we assuming an urgency that isn’t present? Are we responding to urgency created by others that we don’t need to? I think once we have a more realistic understanding of the consequences of drawing good boundaries between work and personal time, it becomes easier to defend those boundaries. Giving yourself some time to transition between work responsibilities and home responsibilities is also necessary. Learning to approach your thoughts from a place of observation rather than engagement can often be helpful in turning the volume down on work related thoughts in times/spaces you don’t want to be thinking about them.” (Priyanka Shokeen, Ph.D.)
“I have found a mindful perspective towards intrusive work thoughts to be helpful: I try to notice when I am still thinking about work, and reassure myself that ‘that thought doesn't need you right now’ or ‘work will be waiting for you tomorrow morning, you can let it wait until then.’ Sometimes it can be helpful to write myself a note if I am worried I will forget to do something later, as this allows me to trust that I can let it fade from my attention now without negative consequences.” (Case Lovell, LMHC)
“I don’t think there is a singular answer to this or any of the other questions here; each one is dependent on a person’s context. Sometimes it is appropriate (and enjoyable) to think about work during off hours. Sometimes it is unnecessary and unpleasant. Perhaps the questions are ‘How do you turn off work when you don’t want to be thinking about work, don’t need to be thinking about work, and aren’t enjoying thinking about work?’ Or maybe you are simply asking *me* how I turn off work mode and enjoy my life when I am away from my desk?
I know that if I don’t take time out to care for myself, then I will eventually burn out and be of no use to anyone (including myself). I know it is in my best interests, and therefore in the interests of those who depend on me and my work, to take care of myself. Engaging in hobbies, being active, spending time with friends and family, resting, laughing, sleeping, eating, and living refills my capacities and gives me the energy and perspective I need to be effective at work. Self care allows me to come back with fresh eyes and to more engage fully with my my work.” (Jim McDonnell, LMFT)
2. How can you stop feeling guilty about taking vacation time and actually take time off of work?
“I think this is a unique feature of the society we currently occupy where taking a break inspires guilt. I always encourage people to reflect on what is it that is triggering their guilt? Often times it’s the thought that you may be leaving colleagues with more work. In those times I think it is important to recognize that if your team/company is held up by either being unfair to you (in that you cannot legitimately take a break) or unfair to your colleagues (in that their lives will necessarily become worse if you take a vacation) then asking yourself if this is the place you want to be a part of. More often than not, it is also an overestimation to say that you taking a vacation will necessarily make life difficult for others. Having these conversations with yourself can provide the space to examine what it is that you are reacting to.” (Priyanka Shokeen, Ph.D.)
“My sale's pitch to myself is always that I do my best work when I am taking the best care of myself, and so I owe it to my work to be taking the time off I need to stay refreshed and engaged. Like any kind of routine maintenance, it requires stepping back from productivity in the short term, but it prevents catastrophic breakdown in the long term!” (Case Lovell, LMHC)
“Again, there is no singular answer to this question. As a therapist, I would want to know more about why taking time off creates feelings of guilt. The guilt could be coming from a person’s prior life experience, it could come from non-verbal cues in the workplace, it could come from comparisons to others in their life who don’t have vacation, etc.
Regardless of the reasons for the guilt, it is important to remember that taking time off is part of a good self care routine. Vacation time is there to be used. It is there to prevent an individual from burning out, and in the long run benefits both the organization and the individual.” (Jim McDonnell, LMFT)
3. Conversely, how can you best handle guilt/pressure when you cannot take time off and your family/friends want you to?
“I think this situation also requires a closer examination. Is it that you cannot take time off or that asking for it is difficult/anxiety-provoking/uncomfortable? Similarly, when your friends and family want you to take time off and you know that that is not an option, having conversations with them about how both parties can have their needs met. Communication about what it is that you expect from the other person, what you can provide to them to meet their expectations and what you would need from them in order to function well are all necessary topics to touch upon.” (Priyanka Shokeen, Ph.D.)
“For me personally, it has helped to communicate to my personal connections why my work is important, not just to the world but to me. It might be hard to hear that a loved one is not taking time to be with us if we believe that this time is spent in the pursuit of company profits or the arbitrary demands of a boss, but easier to feel good about them investing their time to feel productive and fulfilled, or to feel pride in the way they are supporting their family, or to feel accomplished in pursuing their long term career goals.” (Case Lovell, LMHC)
“I would start by reflecting and validating the family member or friend’s desire to spend time with me, reframing their request from one where I feel like I am letting them down to one where I feel valued and wanted. I would let them know how much they mean to me and how much I would love to spend time with them were I able. I could also request that they trust that I want to spend time with them and will do so when I am able.” (Jim McDonnell, LMFT)
4. What’s the best way (or ways) to maintain a healthy separation between work and one’s personal life to keep things professional, but without seeming cold/aloof in the work environment?
“I think this is a difficult one to tread because regardless of what you think you’re doing right and respectfully, other people also have their own perceptions, informed by their own biases of what’s happening in their environment. That is to say, your healthy boundary may rub someone the wrong way. Which is not to say you shouldn’t have your boundaries. I think instead it means that approaching a conversation about these boundaries from a non-defensive space. For example, if someone in the workplace has a problem with you not immediately responding to their emails, having a conversation with them informing them that it isn’t feasible or possible for you to respond or be present every moment and if there was a specific time during which they could direct all their urgent questions so you know how to differentiate between immediate vs non immediate matters.” (Priyanka Shokeen, Ph.D.)
“Firm and consistent boundaries do not have to be harsh or aggressive! It can be difficult, especially when it goes against work culture, but finding ways to warmly but unapologetically communicate one's boundaries is worth doing.” (Case Lovell, LMHC)
“How we are perceived in the workplace is not completely in our control. We have influence but not total control over how we are perceived.
Developing an identity that includes work, family, friends, play, hobbies, and self care is vital. Doing so can help us feel more confident when establishing and maintaining boundaries between work and non-work and allows us to remain engaged and present with those at work without losing ourselves in our work identity.” (Jim McDonnell, LMFT)
5. If someone is working excessive hours and/or has a highly stressful job, what are the best ways for them to find “me time” and recharge to stay healthy?
“Again, the question of why someone is working excessive hours is important. Is that the expectation from your job? Is it the amount of work you’re being asked to handle alone? I think recognizing the need for “me time” is step one to creating a set-up where you can actually pursue it. Being mindful of what you’re putting your body through every day is also crucial. Getting in a 20 minute walk during the day is as important as a free weekend and one cannot replace the other. It is also important to not expect “productivity” during these “me times”. If you are working 80 hours a week, your weekend isn’t enough for you to rest and cook and finish that book you’ve been thinking about and clean the house and so on. Recognize the limits of your time and your energy and prioritize activities during your rest times.” (Priyanka Shokeen, Ph.D.)
“This is of course not the only answer to this question, but one approach to try might be to start with consistency: Don't focus on what time you can take when you get to your vacation or even when you get to the weekend, rather what can you do every day to recharge? Even if this is just for 5 minutes, having a way to recharge every day can often feel more sustainable.” (Case Lovell, LMHC)
“Setting and maintaining firm boundaries between work and non-work hours is crucial in situations like this. Most of us simply can’t expect to work every waking hour for our entire lives. Sometimes we have to work long hours, sometimes we are on a stressful project. And sometimes the ‘sometimes’ is all the time. In these cases, setting and maintaining boundaries between work and non work hours is crucial. You need time to sleep, eat, and engage in some forms of self care. That might mean logging off at a particular time every day regardless of the status of a project. It might mean scheduling a massage for yourself on a regular basis. It might mean making sure you are getting in some time to exercise a few times a week.
Most of us won’t stay with one company for our entire lives. This means that at some point in the not too distant future, you will change jobs. Don’t sacrifice your mental, physical, and emotional health for something that is transient.” (Jim McDonnell, LMFT)
6. Do you have any other words of advice for those concerned about their work-life balance?
“People often expect themselves to be able to achieve a work-life balance all on their own and that might be a bit of a fallacy. Recognize the kind of support you need in order to achieve and maintain this balance and draw on your support systems.” (Priyanka Shokeen, Ph.D.)
“The right balance between work and life is not anything that can be defined for you, it has to be the balance that is right for you as an individual, and it may shift over time. If you are struggling to figure out how to balance your work and your life priorities, I have found focusing on my core values to be a helpful way to clarify what is important to me, and thus what priorities I should be focusing on holding time for.” (Case Lovell, LMHC)
“Most of us will be working for many years, so it is important to look at the long game when it comes to work life balance. Remember - no one is going to make you take care of yourself at work. Often times the company we work for will take as much of us as we will give, and then some. It is therefore imperative that we learn how to set and maintain boundaries, process and understand negative emotions with regards to work, tolerate some distress, engage in restorative self care, and communicate with our fellows.” (Jim McDonnell, LMFT)
Contributed by: Jennifer (Ghahari) Smith, Ph.D.
Priyanka Shokeen, Ph.D., Case Lovell, LMHC & Jim McDonnell, LMFT
Editor: Jennifer (Ghahari) Smith, Ph.D.
REFERENCES
1 Teevan, J. Harvard Business Review. Let’s Redefine “Productivity” for the Hybrid Era. Updated 2021. (accessed 11-15-2022) Let’s Redefine “Productivity” for the Hybrid Era (hbr.org)
2 Ibid.
3 Lee, D.J. Forbes. 6 Tips for Better Work-Life Balance. Updated 2014. (accessed 11-16-2022) 6 Tips For Better Work-Life Balance (forbes.com)
4 DeSantis, C. Fortune. The myth of ‘work-life balance’ is a generational illusion. (accessed 11-16-2022) The myth of 'work-life balance' is a generational illusion | Fortune
5 Ibid.
6 Ibid.
7 Ibid.
8 Smith, M. CNBC. The 10 best U.S. companies for work-life balance, according to Glassdoor. (accessed 11-15-2022) Glassdoor: top U.S. companies for work-life balance in 2022 (cnbc.com)
9 Stansell, A. Glassdoor. Burning out? These are the Highest Rated Companies for Work-Life Balance During COVID-19. Updated 20202. (accessed 11-16-2022) https://www.glassdoor.com/research/companies-work-life-balance/
10 American Psychological Association (APA). (n.d.) Tips from Practitioners on Finding Work-Life Balance. (accessed 11-20-2022) https://www.apaservices.org/practice/ce/self-care/balance
11 Lee (2014)