- Seattle Anxiety Specialists, PLLC does not currently provide treatment for Anger Management. (For treatment, please refer to this list of DBT providers and this list of Anger Management mental health providers.)
Anger Management
Overview
Anger is a completely normal human emotion that can be caused by both external and internal events.[1] It can be harmful or helpful, depending upon how the emotion is expressed. Understanding how to recognize and express anger in appropriate ways can help people reach goals, handle emergencies, and solve problems.[2]
Anger can make someone feel as though they’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. Similar to other emotions, anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; in the case of anger, one’s heart rate and blood pressure increases along with the levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline (energy hormones).[3]
At its core, anger can stem from feelings of frustration, hurt, annoyance, and disappointment and can range from slight irritation to strong rage.[4] While this emotion can occur based on someone is experiencing at a given time, memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger the rise of anger in someone.[5] Additionally, when some people experience or show they are angered, they are actually experiencing fear or perceiving some threat – akin to a flight response.[6]
Anger that gets out of control and/or turns destructive can lead to significant problems in one’s life at the personal and professional level.[7] Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on someone’s health, their relationships and overall quality of life.[8] Further, anger has been linked to problematic complications such as crime, emotional and physical abuse, and violent behaviors.[9] Anger management aims to teach a multitude of techniques that an individual can use to keep their anger at bay and help them live healthier, more fulfilling lives.
Causes of Anger
Research has found three primary causes of explosive and/or extreme anger in people:[10]
Genetic or Physiological - Evidence has shown that some people are simply born irritable and easily angered, with signs present from a very early age.
Sociocultural - As anger is generally socially regarded as negative, people are often taught not to express their anger. This results in many people being unable to process, handle or channel it in a healthy manner or constructively.
Family Background - Often, people who are easily angered tend to come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and less skilled at healthy emotional communications.
The Expression of Anger
The American Psychological Association (APA) notes that the instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively and a certain amount of anger is necessary for survival. Anger is actually an adaptive response to threats and inspires powerful (often aggressive) feelings and behaviors, enabling people to fight and to defend themselves during an attack. There are, however, laws and social norms of acceptance regarding the degree of anger that can and should be expressed on any given occasion. Extreme anger cannot be enacted against any irritation or annoyance.[11]
The three main approaches to handle one’s anger are: expressing; suppressing and calming. The expression of angry feelings in an assertive - not aggressive - manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To express one’s anger, they must make clear what their needs are and offer how to get those needs met without harming others. By being assertive, one is respectful of themselves and others without being pushy or demanding.[12]
Some people are naturally inclined to become angry easier and more intensely than the average person. In this case, some psychologists refer to the notion of a “low tolerance for frustration” - these individuals believe they should not be subjected to frustration, inconvenience or annoyance. It’s extremely difficult for them to take difficult situations in stride and can become infuriated if they feel the situation is unjust or that they are being corrected or ridiculed in any way.[13]
Anger can present itself in other forms aside from visual and audible ways. Some people may not express their anger in loud, explosive shows but remain chronically irritable and grumpy. Other easily angered people present by withdrawing socially, sulking, or getting physically ill.[14]
Suppressed Anger
Completely suppressing one’s anger can lead to a multitude of interpersonal and intrapersonal problems. The Cleveland Clinic notes that anger, when not appropriately expressed, can disrupt relationships, affect thinking and behavior patterns.[15] It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior, or a perpetually cynical and hostile personality. The APA explains that people who constantly put others down, are critical of everything and make cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger.[16] Additionally, chronic/unexpressed anger can create a multitude of physical problems including: high blood pressure; heart disease; headaches; skin disorders and digestive problems. Further, complete suppression of anger can lead to underlying anxiety and depression.[17]
Those prone to excessive or volatile anger do not have to fully suppress their anger, nor should they – they can temporarily suppress the anger, then convert or redirect it in a healthier, safer manner. This can be done by holding in the anger, stop thinking about it, and then focusing on something positive. The aim of this method is to inhibit or suppress the anger and convert it into a more positive, constructive behavior. It’s important to note that a potential danger of this type of response is that anger which isn’t allowed outward expression can turn inward on oneself. This inward anger may then cause hypertension, high blood pressure, and/or depression.[18] Therefore, the goal here is to be sure to express the anger – but to do so in a positive and constructive manner.
Anger Management
While we often cannot avoid the people or things that anger and enrage us, nor can we change them, we can learn to control our reactions. The goal of anger management is to: reduce the intensity of these emotional feelings and reduce the physiological arousal caused by anger. In managing anger, it is best to find out what triggers the anger and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from causing the situation to erupt.[19]
Anger management is necessary as suppression is unhealthy on a multitude of levels and, conversely, “letting it all out” is a dangerous myth. Fully releasing one’s anger without a filter hurts others, escalates the anger and aggression and does nothing to actually help or fix the situation.[20] The first step to managing anger is recognize one’s own personal anger signs. Common warning signs include” increased heartbeat; quickened breathing; tension in the shoulders; clenching of fists[21] and narrowing of eyes.
Several strategies can be used to keep one’s anger under control and at bay; these include:
Relaxation - Simple relaxation tools can help calm down feelings of anger. Relaxation techniques should be practiced daily and should be automatically employed anytime one is in a tense situation. Such tools include, but are not limited to:[22]
Utilize Imagery - Visualize a relaxing experience, either from memory or imagination.
Yoga or Tai Chi – These practices can relax muscles, making a person feel much calmer.
Breathing Exercises - Counting to 10 can give a person time to cool down, giving a person time to think more clearly and overcome the impulse to lash out.[23] Additionally, practicing 4-7-8 breathing can bring more balance, allowing the mind to slow down and reduce anxiety and stress. This method is done by: inhaling 4 seconds; holding the breath 7 seconds; and exhaling slowly for 8 seconds (repeating as necessary to feel calm.)[24]
Exercise - Physical activity can help reduce the stress that can cause a person to become angry. If it feels like anger is escalating, engage in some form of exercise (e.g., go for a brisk walk, run, lift weights or jump rope).[25]
Cognitive Restructuring - This restructuring simply refers to changing the way one thinks. Angry people tend to express their inner thoughts by cursing, swearing or speak in other colorful terms. When angry, a person’s thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. One way to mitigate the anger is by trying to replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For example, instead of saying, “This is awful and everything is ruined,” try saying, “This is frustrating and it’s understandable that I’m upset about it - but it’s not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it.” Additionally, one should be cognizant not to use words like “never” or “always” when talking about themself or someone else (e.g., “You always forget to do things,” or “This ____ machine never works right.” While these all-or-nothing statements serve to make someone feel their anger is justified and that there’s no way to solve the problem, they can also alienate and humiliate those who might otherwise be willing to help find a solution. Try to remember that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won’t make anyone feel better and may actually only worsen things.[26]
Identify Possible Solutions - Of course, sometimes anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in life. Not all anger is misplaced, and it is often a healthy, natural response to difficulties.[27] Instead of focusing on what made someone mad, they can work on resolving the issue at hand (e.g., if one’s partner is late to dinner every night, try scheduling dinner later in the evening). It’s also important to understand that some things are simply out of one’s control and so we should try to be realistic about what can and cannot be change.[28]
Better Communication - In the heat of the moment when angry, it's easy to say something that will later be regretted. Taking a few moments to collect one’s thoughts before saying anything can calm oneself as well as others involved in the situation. Once the feeling of calm returns, it’s a good time to then express any concerns. This way, thinking will be clearer and frustration can be expressed in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. Concerns and needs should be stated clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them. It’s important to use “I” statements since criticizing or placing blame on another might only increase tension. Instead, “I” statements can be used to describe the problem and in a respectful and specific manner. For example, one can say, “I'm upset that you didn’t vacuum after spilling some food,” instead of “You never do any housework.”[29]
Pause - Angry people can jump to - and act on - conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. When in a heated discussion, it’s important to slow down and think through possible responses. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what is best to say.
At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take time before answering. Pay attention to what is also underlying another’s anger. It’s natural to get defensive when criticized, but a person should not fight back in a heated situation. Instead, listen to what’s underlying the other person’s words: the other person might actually feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning and require some breathing space to get to the heart of what is going on in a situation but it’s important to not let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping calm can keep a situation from becoming disastrous.[30]
Use Humor - The use of lighthearted, silly and goofy humor can help defuse rage in a number of ways and can help bring about a more balanced perspective. Instead of calling someone a bad word or negative phrase, imagine the word/phrase and picture what that would literally look like. Doing so can take a lot of the edge off of one’s fury and humor can help unknot a tense situation.[31] However, it’s important to not engage in harsh, sarcastic humor as those are unhealthy forms of anger expression that can hurt others feelings and possibly make things worse.[32]
Change Your Surroundings - Sometimes our immediate surroundings are the cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on a person, making them feel angry and trapped in a situation. In these cases, it’s important to take a break and create some personal time. This can be a standard scheduled de-stress time (e.g., the first 15 minutes after getting home from work where a person is left completely alone)[33] or this can refer to taking a 5-10 minute “timeout” during a stressful situation (e.g., going for a quick walk at work to decompress and get some fresh air).[34]
Don't Hold a Grudge - Forgiveness can be a powerful tool. Allowing anger and other negative feelings to drown out positive feelings can lead to a sense of bitterness or injustice. Forgiving someone might help you both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.[35]
Maintain Healthy Habits - Eating healthy and well, hydration and proper rest can all help someone maintain a sense of calm. Try to avoid drugs and alcohol as these substances can make anger problems worse by lowering inhibitions (and possibly leading to the increase in anger that is acted-out).[36]
Get Creative - Engaging in a creative activity (e.g., writing, making music, dancing or painting) can release tension and reduce feelings of anger.[37]
Pay Attention to Timing - If anger seems to swell and arguments ensue when returning home after work, it may be that one or both people are tired or distracted – it could unfortunately just be habit. Change the times to talk about important matters may stop them from turning into arguments.[38]
Avoidance - Do not engage in or look at something that is infuriating. For example, if seeing the messy garage causes anger to swell, do not look at the messy garage or take steps to organize it. The point is to keep oneself calm and not expose themselves to things that anger them.[39]
Find Alternatives - If the current way of doing something is anger-inducing, try to find an alternative way. For example, if the daily commute through traffic causes a state of rage and frustration, try to map out a different route that is less congested or more scenic; or find an alternative such as a bus or commuter train. If finding another route or way home is not possible, then utilizing alternatives during the drive (e.g., listening to calming music, a book on tape or practicing breathing exercises) can be useful.[40]
When to Seek Assistance
Learning to control anger can be a challenge at times, especially in the beginning. A person should seek help for anger issues if their anger seems out of control, causes them to do things they regret or hurts those around them.[41] By seeking the support of others, particularly a licensed mental health specialist specializing in anger management, one can talk through their feelings and try to work on changing their anger-related behaviors.[42]
Certain psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger someone is, and how well they handle it. However, if a person suspects they have a problem with anger, they likely do.[43] If a person believes their anger can get out of control and it is having a negative effect on their life and relationships, they might want to seek the help of a licensed mental health professional who specializes in anger management. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can help someone develop techniques for changing their thinking and behavior in response to angry feelings that arise, creating the ability to learn to manage anger in an appropriate way.[44]
In cases where psychological issues (e.g., depression or anxiety) underlie chronic anger problems, a therapist may recommend going to see a physician/psychiatrist who can prescribe medication to help deal with these conditions.[45]
The American Psychological Association notes that it’s important to remember that anger cannot be eliminated. Anger is a normal feeling that occurs and sometimes it will be justifiable. Life can be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. While none of the aforementioned can be changed, a person can change the way they let such events affect them.[46]
Contributed by: Jennifer (Ghahari) Smith, Ph.D.
REFERENCES
1 American Psychological Association. (n.d.) Control Anger Before It Controls You. (accessed 2-22-2023) https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
2 Cleveland Clinic. (n.d.) Managing Anger. (accessed 2-23-2023) https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/12195-managing-anger
3 American Psychological Association
4 Cleveland Clinic
5 American Psychological Association
6 NHS Inform. (n.d.) How to Control Your Anger. (accessed 2-22-2023) https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/mental-wellbeing/anger-management/how-to-control-your-anger
7 American Psychological Association
8 Mayo Clinic. (n.d.) Anger Management: 10 Tips to Tame Your Temper. (accessed 2-23-2023) https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434
9 Cleveland Clinic
10 American Psychological Association
11 Ibid.
12 Ibid.
13 Ibid.
14 Ibid.
15 Cleveland Clinic
16 American Psychological Association
17 Cleveland Clinic
18 American Psychological Association
19 Ibid.
20 Ibid.
21 NHS Inform
22 American Psychological Association
23 Mayo Clinic
24 Reddy, S. (2021). Breathing techniques for stress and anxiety. SWAA. (accessed 2-16-2022) https://swaafrica.org/breathing-techniques-for-stress-and-anxiety
25 Mayo Clinic
26 American Psychological Association
27 Ibid.
28 Mayo Clinic
29 Ibid.
30 American Psychological Association
31 Ibid.
32 Mayo Clinic
33 American Psychological Association
34 Mayo Clinic
35 Ibid.
36 NHS Inform
37 Ibid.
38 American Psychological Association
39 Ibid.
40 Ibid.
41 Mayo Clinic
42 Cleveland Clinic
43 American Psychological Association
44 Cleveland Clinic
45 Ibid.
46 American Psychological Association